Avoiding a hard feeling usually doesn’t make it smaller — it makes the avoiding into its own problem, on top of the original one. What starts as one uncomfortable feeling becomes two: the feeling itself, and the exhausting effort of not having it.
What is happening
Pushed away, a feeling doesn’t leave — it waits at the door, and holding that door shut takes constant effort. The original discomfort was one thing. The struggle against it is a second, often bigger, thing that keeps running quietly in the background.
The move
you
I can’t let myself feel this.
Nothing you type is stored or sent anywhere.
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Pushing a feeling away costs energy.
Because holding a door shut takes constant, ongoing effort.
A calm face held over a churning stomach through a whole long meeting.
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The struggle can outgrow the feeling.
Because fighting a feeling can end up bigger than the feeling itself.
More exhausted from resisting the sadness than the sadness would have taken alone.
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Letting it be there isn’t giving up.
Because allowing a feeling to exist is different from agreeing with what it says.
The anxiety stays in the room. You just stop bracing against the door.
The practice
Notice one feeling you’re currently working to not feel. For sixty seconds, stop pushing — let it sit in the room without doing anything about it. See how much of the exhaustion was the feeling, and how much was the fight.
The fight was using more energy than the feeling ever needed.
This is a teaching, not treatment. If you’re struggling, a doctor or therapist can help. If you’re in danger right now, call your local emergency number or a crisis line (in the US, call or text 988).