Act, Accept, or Run Away

A practice card

Not moods to manage but three responses to choose between when something is hard: change it, accept it, or avoid it — and only two of those three tend to work.

When

When the same hard situation keeps coming back around without ever getting resolved or set down.

What's actually happening

Facing a hard situation, there are really three moves available: act to change what can be changed, accept what can't be, or avoid the situation and the feeling altogether. Acting and accepting both tend to move things forward, even though accepting is often the harder-feeling of the two. Avoiding rarely resolves anything — it postpones the same choice to a later, usually harder, moment.

What to change

When stuck on something hard, name plainly which of the three you're actually doing right now.

Ask plainly what part of the situation can actually be changed by anything you do.

If something is changeable, take one concrete step toward changing it before deciding it's hopeless.

If nothing can be changed, practice naming the situation as it is, without arguing it should be different.

Notice the moment you're avoiding a decision altogether — that's the option that tends to cost the most later.

Where to start

roughly placed · naming the three comes first

Pick one

Five at once is how these lists fail. Tap a number — the ones up and to the left give the most for the least.

What to expect

This is a choice made over and over, not once — the same situation may call for a different one of the three tomorrow. Pick one hard thing and name which of the three you're choosing, for two weeks, before deciding whether it's gotten clearer.

choose one, and the fortnight starts

This is a teaching, not treatment. If you’re struggling, a doctor or therapist can help. If you’re in danger right now, call your local emergency number or a crisis line (in the US, call or text 988).