Taking Care of Yourself

A practice card

Not selfish. Supporting someone through a hard stretch draws down the same limited energy everything else does, and running it to empty helps no one, including them.

When

When someone else's struggle has taken up so much attention that your own needs have quietly stopped counting.

What's actually happening

Supporting someone else draws on the same finite attention, patience, and energy that everything else in your life does — it isn't a separate account. Depleting it fully doesn't make you more available to them; it tends to make patience shorter and the support less steady right when it matters. Keeping some capacity in reserve is what lets the support keep going.

What to change

Decide in advance how long you'll give to supporting them today, and stop there even if more feels needed.

Protect one activity or routine that has nothing to do with their struggle, and keep it running.

Name one thing you're not able to keep offering right now, out loud, before you're already past it.

Talk to someone about how supporting them is landing on you, separate from talking to them about it.

Check in with your own capacity before agreeing to the next ask, rather than after you're already past it.

Where to start

roughly placed · setting a stop time comes first

Pick one

Five at once is how these lists fail. Tap a number — the ones up and to the left give the most for the least.

What to expect

This isn't about giving less care — it's making sure there's still some left next week. Pick one of these and hold it for two weeks, even on days their need feels larger than yours.

choose one, and the fortnight starts

This is a teaching, not treatment. If you’re struggling, a doctor or therapist can help. If you’re in danger right now, call your local emergency number or a crisis line (in the US, call or text 988).