Starting From What's Still Working

A field guide

What to say when you want to notice what's still working, not just what's gone wrong.

What’s happening?

All you're hearing is what's going wrong this week They just did something hard and you want to name it You want them to name their own strengths, not yours

1 of 3

When

All you're hearing is what's going wrong this week

Try saying

Instead of

Comparing this week to how things used to be.

Because

A person who only hears their failures has less to build a plan on; naming a strength alongside the struggle doesn't deny it.

2 of 3

When

They just did something hard and you want to name it

Try saying

Instead of

Rushing past it to what's still wrong.

Because

A strength you hand someone lands weaker than one they notice themselves; naming it plainly still helps it land.

3 of 3

When

You want them to name their own strengths, not yours

Try saying

Instead of

Filling their silence with your own list of their strengths.

Because

A strength found by them, even a small one, tends to stick better than one that's simply handed over.

What's still standing counts too.

This isn't about ignoring what's hard. It's asking a second question the first one usually crowds out.

This is a teaching, not treatment. If you’re struggling, a doctor or therapist can help. If you’re in danger right now, call your local emergency number or a crisis line (in the US, call or text 988).